My story

[Big J]

I started this forum as a place for those with loved ones in nursing homes to come and discuss issues with those going through the same thing.  My mom has been in a nursing home for about 2 years and during this time I have seen and been through alot.  This is my story.

My mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) about 27 years ago and has progressively gotten worse over the years.  My dad was her primary caretaker and has her conditioned deteriorated (quadriplegic) he hired home health care aides to help out while he was at work.  Six years ago he was diagnosed with colon cancer and after battling it for 4 years he was no longer able to take care of my mother so we moved her to a nursing home.  Shortly after this my dad admitted himself to the same nursing home and died shortly thereafter.  This was very hard on me emotionally as I was 32 at the time and have no siblings.  Luckily I have a great wife who has been very supportive. 

Soon after my dad passed away we moved my mom to a nursing home closer to our house so that we could visit her more frequently.  This has been good but I find the visits with my mom very emotionally draining  .  When I see her in that condition it makes me very depressed and it makes me very angry at times with how unfair life can be.  We have good visits too and are able to talk about old times when her mind is clear. 

I hope others will find this forum helpful as I have been unable to find a good online forum to discuss these issues.

Big J

[Dianna]

Hi, I know how you feel.  I helped my parents before Dad died and then I took care of Mom afterwards.  She was able to keep her own place for several years because I lived across from her.  We spent hundreds of hours in doctor's offices for different major illnesses she had.  Then she had a large stroke and had to move into a long term acute care facility.  She seems to enjoy it there because the stroke left her childlike and pain free for the first time in twenty years.  There are a lot of nurses aides and they run in and out making a fuss over her and she loves it.  The trouble is other people.  My brother and I are in agreement on her care, but other people are furious.  They think I should have quit my job and spent "what time she has left with her."  The trouble is I'm not qualified to take care of her.  I don't know anything about pics and feeding tubes, blood clots and I can't even find a pulse on myself, much less someone else. 

[johnwayne11]

Six years ago he was diagnosed with colon cancer and after struggling for four years, was no longer able to care for my mother when we moved to a nursing home. Shortly after my father was admitted to the residence and later died.